Saturday, October 28, 2006
As a sexologist I get to talk to many men and women about sex. The funny thing is that most people I talk to tell me that they think others are having a much greater sex life than they are. Generally they say that their own sex is pretty boring and non exciting. The longer the couple has been together the more boring sex seems to have become. Of course there are couples that have great sex and have been together for ages. These couples are rare in my experience. A recent study found that in 2 years of marriage, the women's interest in sex had dropped off about 50%. There was also a lot less intercourse per week. So what can one do to spice up ones sex life? I like to think of sex in 3 flavours. The first one is partner connection. Women generally love this style of lovemaking. In this flavour the emotional connection with your lover is most important. Generally, couples when they first fall in love have a lot of partner connection in sex. There is a lot of eye gazing, touch and emotions flowing and sex is really just great. It seems to flow and there is much hugging, touch and foreplay. So how does one get more of this connections with your partner. One tip in sex to get more of this flavour is to open your eyes during sex. I find most couple do not even take a look at their lover. The eyes connect and the emotions can flow thought he eyes. for the more advanced, I suggest to open your eyes during orgasm. Most men find this a challenge but it can be done! The second flavour of lovemaking is what I like to call trance. In this style one goes into oneself and is totally in ones own fantasy, sensations or a trance like state. Eyes are closed as the connection with your partner is not important. Most men seem to like trance. I did have a lover that loved going into trance. However, I just felt I was a travel agent taking her to amazing places. Since I could not come along I felt unsatisfied. The touch was one way and I found this frustrating. I did communicate this and she did start to touch me more. The third flavour is role playing. This can be a great deal of fun. One can act out ones fantasies or take on roles of the sexual healer or priest. How about becoming animals?. Bondage games fall into this type of play. Generally this is more challenging for most people. However playing roles really can spice up your sex life. With my clients I suggest they start to explore the flavours that they are weak on. Most couples do not play roles as it is a bit scary. I suggest to pass through is fear and really start to explore. If you have boring sex, you are actually committed to this on some level. Challenge your lover to do something different and you might have to compromise too. Suggest your lover takes the lead in trying something new too. Above all, have fun. By: Maurice Tate
After you have induced a state of hypnotic self-relaxation concentrate on your specific sexual problem, assuming you have one. Ask yourself a series of questions. In answering them during your self-analysis stage of autohypnosis, try to develop some understanding of your particular sexual maladjustment. You will surprise yourself as to how much self-insight you can gain in this way, which will enable you to find solution to your problem.
When a psychiatrists succeeds in getting his patient to develop insight into his own problem (referred to as "insight therapy) he has practically achieved half the cure. For example, if you are aware of having a faulty attitude about sex because of some negative beliefs or habits, tell yourself that you can and will develop a more positive attitude. If you are living in the past, tormenting yourself with guilt feelings because of some past sexual wrongdoing, accept the self hypnotic suggestion that you are going to close the door to the past, forgive yourself and devote your efforts toward making a better future sexual adjustments.
Some of the questions to ask yourself:
- Do I have guilt feelings about past sexual experience, which is interfering with my ability to enjoy sexual relationship with my wife or husband?
- Is sexual disharmony the root cause of my marital unhappiness?
- As a wife I am I assuming my sexual responsibility as a woman by not frustrating the sexual ego of my husband?
- As a husband do I give my wife the love and tenderness she needs to make her more responsive sexually?
- What can I do to bring about an improvement in my sexual relationship with my husband or wife
- Am I willing to consult a specialist for the remedy of a sexual problem particularly when all efforts at self-help have failed?
Here are the 10 positive suggestions, men and women, which I recommend that you repeat to yourself again -again -and again. The repetition of an idea or thought conditions you to the successful acceptance and application of what you need and to believe. You will be rewarded with sex happiness - essential to good physical and emotional health.
Positive Suggestions For Women:
1. I'm always enjoying my sexual life and having complete sexual fulfillment with my husband.
2. I'm making my love relationship a reciprocal one, realizing that the mutual giving of love is the secret of sex harmony.
3. I'm convinced that a happy sexual life is essential for a happy married life.
4. I'm always making my husband a sexually satisfied person.
5. I'm reminding myself that four-fifths of all divorces are caused by sexual incompatibility. With my happy love life, I'm convinced my marriage will last forever.
Positive Suggestions for Men
1. I'm convinced that attitude is all-important to understanding and correcting my sexual problem.
2. I'm developing positive attitude and feelings. And the more sex I've the more I enjoy it.
3. I'm becoming more and more sexually literate by reading a authoritative manuals, improve my lovemaking technique and increase my capacity for sex satisfaction.
4. I'm always positively discussing sexual matters with my wife.
5. I'm intelligent enough to seek competent professional help If I suffer from some deep-seated sexual problem, which I cannot resolve myself.
Remind yourself that you are a better lover than you think you are. Don't be obsessed with the idea that you don't have the ability to love. Learn to experience the emotion of love within yourself. You'll soon discover that you'll want to and can love someone else. Self love (the normal type) should precede man woman love. By: Pradeep Aggarwal
Studies published by the medical and health community are unanimous. As much as forty percent of men in North America experience some form of sexual health dysfunction. Because many men refuse to face the truth, several experts believe the true figure to be much higher. Health diseases, such as cholesterol, hypertension and diabetes, are common causes for erectile dysfunctions. However, lifestyle choices like drinking and smoking are also a major factor causing sexual health disruptions and are often overlooked. In reality, drinking and smoking have a negative effect on the normal flow of blood and directly interfere with male sexual performance. Various studies have established a direct correlation between a quality sex life and a healthy blood flow. While diet, exercise and appropriate supplements effectively promote the sexual performance of men by maintaining and enhancing their level of libido, sperm production and motility and sexual activity, they do not guarantee positive results for people who smoke and drink large quantities of on a daily basis. Not to mention men that consume drugs such as cocaine, heroine and ecstasy which interfere even more with their blood flow or their stamina. A recent study conducted by the Section of Endocrinology of the Lahey Hitchcock Medical Center, Burlington, Massachusetts, revealed that smoking causes an important reduction in the number of spontaneous erections occuring during sleep. These erections are one of the most significant indication of a quality blood flow and good sexual health. A drop in the frequency or intensity of erections indicate a risk that some form of erectile dysfunction may develop in the short run. The study has also shown that refraining from smoking for as little as 24 hours brought about a dramatic increase in the quality of spontaneous erections. Needless to say, smoking also has several other "side effects" such as high blood pressure and lung cancer. Another study conducted by the Department of Psychiatry from the University Medical School of Lubeck, Germany, concluded that heavy drinkers suffer more often from erectile dysfunction than those having an occasional drink. Alcohol tends to induce a pleasant state of relaxation and is generally thought to have a positive effect on the libido. Nothing is further from the truth. It is a suppressant and has a major negative impact on the libido. It also reduces the ability for men to achieve and maintain a quality erection. The Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory, which is managed and operated by the University of California, has conducted its own study regarding the effects of smoking among teenagers. Their findings were frightening. They revealed that smoking has a disastrous impact on the quality of semen and that teenagers who are heavy smokers are jeopardizing their chances to have children and also increasing the risk of having children who suffer from various genetic problems due to the damaged DNA received from the father or mother. Let's cite one last study, conducted by The University of Berne, Switzerland. The results of their own research unveiled facts backing the findings of the University of California. Statistical analysis conducted in Switzerland demonstrated significantly lower semen quality in smokers compared with non-smokers. Sperm concentration was also strongly affected. Men are free to make their own decisions. Freedom of choice is an important principle that comes with consequences. Not even the energy of youth can offset the toll that smoking and drinking are bound to take on male sexual health. There are some things that should be sacrificed for the sake of a healthy and satisfying sex life. Let me ask you this delicate question : Should drinking and smoking be one of those? Copyright 2006 Marc Deschamps
Sexual difficulties are nearly undeniable, each and every man faces some kind of sexual problem at some point in his life, it might be a temporary issue or a permanent disorder. Be smart enough to tackle such petty disorders, do not let them hamper your marital or love life.
Some very familiar male sexual difficulties involve getting or keeping an erection, ejaculating too rapidly, or difficulty reaching orgasm. What is hard enough, fast enough, and time enough is best decided by the people involved, rather than by a clock or some arbitrary standard. Do consider the below mentioned vital points before taking any decision
* Problems in sustaining or keeping erection, also termed as Impotence or Erectile Dysfunction, rapid ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation are some of the common disorder's hampering male's sexual health. Such problems are entirely normal; do not make it a sexual issue.
* Uneven sexual desire and dissimilar preferences in sexual style are normal and inevitable in long-term relationships. It is how you handle these that makes the difference.
* The sexual drive or the urge to make sex differs in men. Like women, lots of men know what it is like to feel pressured by their spouse's larger sexual appetite. Therefore do not over expect from your man.
* Do not let sexual difficulties get over your relationship; it is usually observed that men's sexual disfunction creates a rift between your intimacies. When either partner has frequent dysfunction or low desire, both partners eventually retreat during sex into separate mental worlds of worry and frustration. Try to sort out the issue with mutual discussion, co-ordination and help.
Sexual dysfunctions are a common phenomenon, Sexual boredom, lack of intimacy, low desire, and passionless sex are common and inevitable developments, potentially, mid-stages in the evolution of your relationship. Underneath common sexual difficulties, the natural processes of self-development are often playing out. Dissatisfactory sex does not indicate that something is going, or has gone, wrong.
More importantly male sexual problem cans be easily treated through medications. Why to hesitate when you already have an option to treat yourself. Oral pills like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra can easily surpass erectile dysfunction and help you regain your sexual life.
Do not blame everything on sexual incompatibility, or the signs of aging or disease. And do not reduce current sexual problems to things from the past; it may be the natural growth processes of your relationship at work in the present. To get the sex, intimacy, desire, and passion many of us want, there is a lot of growing up to do. By: Jane Morris